I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
