I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
