Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
