He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize