My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
