i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
