I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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