he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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