OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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