soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
