Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
