i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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