people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
