even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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