There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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