They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
