Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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