What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
