I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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