a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
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ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
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I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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