there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
