If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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