I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
