I look better un-naked...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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