You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
