i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
3 2 1 whiskey
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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