I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
