apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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