ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
