I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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