If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
