I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
