wakey wakey hands off snakey
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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