Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
