nut hugger
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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