What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
