HIV tests are more positive than that guy
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
