Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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