Apparently you make a good broom.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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