Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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