You're completely useless in the revolution.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize