no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
