im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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