I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You are the jesus of drinking
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
