Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
