Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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