Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.