What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.