Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.