Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
