weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
