You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
