it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
