I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Randomize
