I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
