I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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