I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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