i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
