im six kinds of drunk right now
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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