how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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