She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
