so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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