I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
