Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
