Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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