I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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