I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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