i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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