I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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