just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
